Stuff: Rating Change and More Cracked

Another update.

So, I'm going to be posting and re-posting my more adult writings again. For any people that got an impression of me only doing cutesy things because of the Polar Bear and Bunny story, that's not really my true self. Just a little experiment.

Now, I've been wanting to focus more on the writing for Purveyor Press, the publishing company in the Cracked forums I didn't specifically mention. I will still update the blog, but not daily anymore.

Boogie Fights For His Right To Take A Dump

This one's about an awesome YouTuber named Boogie2988.

Boogie runs to the bathroom, having to take a furious poop when a ghost suddenly came out of the toilet.

“Uh,” Boogie chuckled, “What?”

“I am the Genie of the Toilet!” the Toilet Genie says.

“Okay, now can I take a dump, or do I have to make a wish?” Boogie asks.

“No wish! Simply a fight for your toilet, for I have claimed it!”

“But, you’re a genie,” Boogie says.

The Genie suddenly fires electricity from his hands that shocks Boogie.

“You son of a-!

Boogie reached for his electric razor which shocked him even more until he swung it at the Genie by the cord. The Genie became electrocuted by the razor and was lit on fire, swirling down back into the toilet. Finally, Boogie could drop a huge log.

New writing every day.

Slowbeef Plays A Haunted Video Game

I writing that I'm re-posting. I will put up something new today though. 

Slowbeef came home with a game he found at Gamestop. It was covered in white with the title, “Metroid Prime” written in black marker on it.

He asked the clerk why it was in that kind of case who then said, “You don’t want that one. Kid came in with it and said, ‘Googly Metroid.’ I tried it and couldn’t handle eleven seconds of it.”

Slowbeef chuckled with an, “Oh my lord,” and bought it just to see what was up.

He slapped the disk in his Gamecube and when the title menu came up the music was much more sinister and scary, but Slowbeef didn’t mind it because it really wasn’t.

“You got intimidated by this music?” he asked to himself.

Beef started the game and was immediately thrust into a dark hallway. Samus’ arm cannon showed up on the screen, but there was some feeling of lifelessness to her. Maybe that’s because she’s a silent protagonist up until she got ruined. Slowbeef was a little interested in how someone modded this, but was also thinking about how stupid the gameplay was.

“Oh, man. Walkin’ down this hallway. So much gameplay depth,” he kept talking to himself, “I should have showed this to Betus.”

Then a metroid with eyes popping out of it from springs flew onto the screen from out of nowhere with a loud, “Dun!” sound. Slowbeef reeled back in his chair, laughing his butt off. He then turned off the game and got on Skype with Diabetus.

“Yes?” Betus asked.

“I need to stream this game for you,” Beef tells him.

“What game?” Diabetus asked some more.

“Okay, you’re not gonna believe me, but it’s a ‘haunted’ disk of Metroid Prime.”

Diabetus snuffed on the other end, “Does it have a space pirate dressed up as a killer clown?”

“Well, we should find out huh?”

Slowbeef was about to get everything ready until he noticed that when the Gamecube was turned on there was no game in it. He checked the tray and nothing was there. The case was missing too. Ooooooooooooo.  

New writing every day. 

Stuff: Cracked

First update about what I'm doing exactly. 

Cracked has made a call for writers on a horror story compilation that I'll be participating in, so I'm most likely gonna be writing shorter stuff until about mid December. I'll probably try more poems. Still gonna update daily though.

Action

This is a short experiment I made on trying to make characters who can't speak and can only interact.

Bethin was a male Shin. His body was a slender, black and flat figure of torso, head, neck, arms, hands, legs, feet and large horns. Bethin was moving into his very own home, a veiny, cone shaped mound of flesh on the back of Urastar. Accompanying him was his mate, Ahj, a female Shin. The difference is in the horns having a form as if the very top has been split down the middle. Bethin went into his new home to see Ahj standing around, looking at the interior. She turns to him from a sense of his presence and runs up to give him a hug. They then sat on the floor after the two did three sets of twenty push-ups and lowered their heads down.

Bethin’s horns then entered the openings of Ahj’s horns and they both were thrusted into a connection of their minds in a land of pink fluff and fuzzy, white, ball like creatures. In this world the two lovers held each other’s hand and looked off into the sunny distance. They then blew up the star with lasers coming from their eyes. The fuzzy creatures grew afraid of the sudden darkness and then were annihilated by the couple’s red lasers. The fuzzy creatures popped open, their pink souls flying around gleefully as the pair skipped through the now dark wonderland. They then disconnected from each other after every last fuzz ball was popped and then found a comfortable flesh mound to sleep on, their arms around each other. The next day they went off to fight against the Agni scourge.  

New writing every day.

Metro: Last Light Review

Here’s a little review I posted on Metacritic about Metro: Last Light, just with some adjustments.

First off, this is a game that needs to be played on the higher difficulties to get full enjoyment out of it. Although the guns feel and sound great, the gun play will feel like Call of Duty with the human enemies and Borderlands with the monsters if you run and gun on easy mode.

Where it truly shines is in survival and it’s best to have that be challenging for it to be good survival. One of the best fps enemies I’ve ever fought comes in the form of the spider as you shine your light on them to flip them on their back and then shoot their stomach, preferably with your double-barrel, while fending off the other many spiders in a search for ammo and air filters along with charging up that especially needed flashlight.

Despite the game being very story-based, it’s narrative isn’t spectacular aside from a good side character, a reasonable attachment with the main character after the first game and now this and a good message from the theme.

The game is also very good at having contrasting tones with bleakness and a tone that should be uplifting even if it doesn’t feel like it. Case in point, the world of Metro is a dark place, but you have some rather funny lines from characters and some erotic themes to take off the tension, but all of the erotic themes feel rather forced, so it doesn’t work out the best. Overall though, Metro does try to show a grain of hope in all the darkness that resides in it with these things, especially with both of the endings, even if one is a bit more grim. And that’s one of the things that I love so much about this game and it’s genre. You fight on and eventually that sliver of light makes it through the darkness.

I’ll get a bit more on the subject of survival in video games in another post since that was one of the most notable themes in games this year and is honestly one of my favorites.

New writing every day.

Bullying: It's A Full Time Job

This is a poem I made way back as in about just a year. I always enjoyed these and might try more. Also, this is a bit inspired by a show I used to be really into, so not really a video game related post.

Bullying: It’s A Full Time Job

You’re so mad

because you’re so sad

and because of you,

when the signal goes moo,

they're gonna get you too

You lay there in that bed chillin’

actin like the villain

and it’s not your fault.

Not at all

But you’re gonna pay.

It’s barely ever your day.

If only you got assistance

maybe from an older sister.

Now you’re going down

and you might be thinking how?

Of course it’s happening again.

Everyone else is your bane.

But you haven’t hit the ground yet.

You still have some time left.

There are so many others in the land

that maybe you’ll be saved by something like a band

of friends who forgive you.

It’s just a maybe,

but know this baby.

You’re not bad.

New writing every day.